Dementia Caregiving: What Not to Do Matters Most
Caring for a loved one with dementia is one of the most profound journeys a family can experience. It is a path filled with love, devotion, and sacrifice, but also one that brings confusion, frustration, and heartache. Many caregivers focus heavily on learning how to provide the best support. Yet, experts remind us that it is often more important first to understand what not to do.
A board-certified neuropsychologist has shared valuable insight into the most common mistakes caregivers make when supporting someone with dementia. Avoiding these mistakes does not just make daily life easier, it can transform the caregiving relationship and restore moments of joy, trust, and connection.
Why Not to Do Matters
When someone is diagnosed with dementia, families are often given limited resources. A diagnosis is made; a prescription is written—Aricept or Donepezil (brand name for Aricept)—and the family is sent home with little guidance other than a follow-up appointment in six to twelve months.
What is usually missing is clear, practical information about how to navigate the day-to-day realities of dementia care. Families may learn the type of dementia, the stage, and the symptoms, but they are rarely told what not to do. Yet, this knowledge is crucial because the more we engage in unhelpful patterns, the more burdensome caregiving becomes.
When mistakes are repeated—sometimes for years—relationships can become strained, trust can erode, and resistance can grow. A person with dementia may begin to feel treated like a child, withdraw from interactions, or push back against care. Since dementia progresses over time, the need for care only increases, making it even more critical to preserve a strong and positive relationship.
The Five Mistakes to Avoid
1. Do Not Remind Them of the Disease
It may seem logical to remind a loved one of their diagnosis, especially when trying to explain why they need help. Unfortunately, this rarely has the intended effect. Instead of accepting help, people with dementia often become upset, fearful, or defensive.
It is important to remember that many individuals with dementia do not recognize that they have the condition at all. Reminding them only creates pain and rarely improves cooperation. Instead, please support them with kindness and patience, without bringing unnecessary attention to their diagnosis.
2. Don’t Highlight Their Need for Help
As dementia progresses, your loved one will need increasing amounts of support. However, pointing out their limitations can feel humiliating. Constant reminders of what they cannot do often cause them to retreat emotionally.
Instead, integrate your assistance into daily life as naturally as possible. For example, instead of saying, “You need me to help you with this,” you might simply step in with gentle guidance. By keeping the focus on togetherness rather than dependence, you preserve their dignity and make care more seamless.
3. Don’t Correct Them
People with dementia will make mistakes, say inaccurate things, or attempt tasks in ways that don’t make sense. While the instinct is to correct them, doing so frequently damages the relationship and often sparks frustration.
Most corrections are unnecessary. Unless safety is at risk, let go of the need to fix every detail. Redirect when needed, but avoid turning every interaction into a correction. Over time, this approach reduces tension and helps your loved one feel more at ease with your presence.
4. Don’t Make Everything About Caregiving
When a loved one is diagnosed, families often slip into constant caregiving mode. Every interaction becomes about tasks, responsibilities, or managing symptoms. Over time, the relationship—whether parent and child, spouse and partner, or sibling to sibling—can be overshadowed by the disease.
No matter the stage of dementia, there are always opportunities to connect beyond caregiving. Enjoy shared meals, take short walks, listen to favorite music, or sit together in peace. These human-to-human moments of joy, laughter, and comfort are what sustain both the caregiver and the person receiving care.
5. Don’t Take It Personally
Dementia is unpredictable. Even when you use every strategy and resource available, there will still be hard days. Sometimes your loved one may resist help, respond angrily, or withdraw. These reactions are not personal—they are symptoms of the disease.
When we take these behaviors to heart, frustration grows, and relationships suffer. Instead, remind yourself: This is dementia, not my loved one. Protect your well-being by not internalizing difficult moments. Compassion, patience, and emotional distance from the disease’s symptoms will help you preserve love at the center of your relationship.
Finding Joy in the Journey
While dementia inevitably brings challenges, avoiding these five mistakes can make caregiving less stressful and more fulfilling. By focusing on dignity, connection, and compassion, you can create an environment where trust grows and love continues to shine through.
Remember, your role as a caregiver is not just about physical tasks; it is about preserving humanity amid difficulty. Dementia may alter memory and function, but it cannot erase the human need for love, respect, and meaningful connection.
Evergreen Nursing Health’s Commitment
At Evergreen Nursing Health, we understand that dementia care is more than managing medications and daily routines—it is about walking alongside families with empathy, expertise, and unwavering support. Our nurse-led team provides compassionate, personalized care that preserves dignity and nurtures trust, ensuring that families never feel alone on this journey.
To every caregiver: Your patience, resilience, and devotion matter more than you know. On the hard days and the good ones, your love makes the most significant difference of all.
Diana Nelsen, RN BSN
Are you looking to secure either of these services? Schedule a free consultation with our expert nurses today!
